never_my

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   原本想等到要毕业的时候才把一路扶持、鼓励、玩闹的好姐妹好兄弟们一一列出来并写出一篇超感人又赚人眼泪的回忆篇的。。可是因为最近遇到一些情绪上的挣扎需要抒发，所以决定把这项计划提前，不过这也只是sub-plan啦，好戏还在后头呢！:p

    美，记得我们在中六的时候曾因为一件友谊的事件而大吵一顿？现在回想起来，嘴角还会偷笑，觉得当时蛮不成熟的。你是否又记得我们也曾一起谈论过过于一段友情的长久及维持。你告诉我：“只要双方把彼此放在心里，努力联系，友谊必能保持。”我却告诉你：“很多时候事情并不会像你想象般的完美，在人生的旅途路上，刚上车的搭客会取代下车乘客的座位。在我的观念里，不是敌人，便是朋友。对！那份友谊还在但可能已不是原来的完美模样。。有时坐在巴士上，也可能因为始料不及的问题如巴士抛锚、乘客纠纷而影响整个路途的愉快。。突然想起“人们就像天上的繁星，彼此亲密也彼此疏远”这句话。最后你曾推翻自己的观点，而赞同我哦。。

    只想告诉你。。最近，我的观点再次被肯定！无奈。。。不甘心。。。不明白。。。

    敏，谢谢你越洋传送的爱心月饼哦。。真的很开心及意外！paisei啦，没有感动到马上打电话给你，一定有点失望吧！已告诉你原因，你会明白的，我知道！（paisei
again,因为状态和情绪还没有恢复K）

  琴，真的真的×100很对不起，把你的生日忘了，连个SMS祝福也没有，这个没心的朋友，真的很该骂该打！内疚了几天，能做的只是在这里补上一句：

Happy Belated……… Birthday! &

Sorry!

再加上个人保证，决不会再有下一次！

   有得必有失，巴士上一位乘客，就得下一位乘客吗？那下次我改驾LRT或飞机好了。。。。。

今天难得入campus一下，校园内已挂满了许多“Selamat Datang Siswa & Siswi, Minggu Suai Mesra"的布条，和3年前的布条一样。。时间飞逝，我已是第四年的hyper senior了。。LM过后，剩最后一个sem就毕业了。。what will i be? where will i be??
“我不知道！” 一个很无奈的答案。。。。

到妹妹进大学的时候了，百感交集。。

~~~给小波的话：
3年前，你也写了一封信伴随我来到这里，是回信的时候了。。
~该说的我已说了，放心去飞吧！
~记住你的承诺，记得你的梦想。。更要记得感恩！
~人生中最好不要踏错一小步，因为那一小步，一时的迷糊，一时的大意，可能会造就心  中一根刺，一个遗憾，一次后悔。。（个人体会，这句也给小A。。:p）
~big gal dun cry o..女孩别哭，（你最喜欢的）
~坚强的女人，会哭，但不会输!
~眼泪我也掉过不少哦。。能在风雨中生长的树，更茁壮！你是棵能接受逆境的大树，而  不是小花哦！！
~最后，想引用你给我的话：your spirit is with us！加油！！

I am…………. as simple as you see..

Own characteristic of boys but naïve of gals…

Frank and direct…no romantic and caring words.

Poor at hiding feeling..happiness and woe r expressed on my
face…

Have limited patient..i wanna settle and finish a thing as
fast as I can, no prolonging!

Dun like “grandma and mama” :p

Passion doesn’t last long..

Hate people to belittle me..when I m being belittled, I get
motivated!!

Anger and moody come and go fast.

Stand up quickly from failure.

Always looking at de bright side, optimistic!

Words sometimes cross faster thru my mouth than my brain!so,
sometimes I might hurt people unconsciously..

Can be very devoted to things that I m interested in but not
to those fussy and meddlesome things!

Enthusiastic, hyperactive and 38 38 at times.

Simple but not igonorant!

Mouth of knife, but “tau fu heart”..haha…

Hate pressure and tension! (hehe..agree!)

Have strong self-esteem and respect..

Quite “jaga muka”

Bcoz of “jaga muka” so sometimes my words go against my
feeling, my action also go against my mind!

Independent enough gua..even when I m alone in de world, I
can survive!

Although looked strong, but actually….i cry secretly
also…behind people….

When “fire is on”, get away from me! Leave me alone! Time
ease…

Do not ever try to provoke me!

My mind can be easily distracted..

Sometimes I m easily influenced but sometimes I can be very
firm!

Like crowd..

Like to listen to people’s problem and give opinion..

Always buy things in rush unconsciously so always over
budget..

I am who I am!!

Kaka…simply typing…POST!!!

Agree?disagree?comment lah…:-D

把事情看得太重 = 往往心情跟着沉重

爱情、友情、人情的重 à 其他的轻 ！！

别人的心情、别人的烦恼 =
我的心情 、我的烦恼 之甚至 XXX倍重！

那几日的心情烦躁、“kepo” + 想太多的特质，

那几月的心情压抑、 猜测 + 多疑 的本性，

造就我 2007年的低潮！！

宽宏 = 心虚

见谅 = 后悔！！！

我太“kepo”了呱。。

所以，不要kepo。。

看轻、放松 但， 不等于漠视、不理 ！！！

亡羊补牢， 有点迟，但没法了啦。。。

The thinking of updating my blog has been in my mind since
few weeks ago. At first, I thought of writing a blog entitled sth like “ Plans
in Holiday” when I was still having final
exam. Later on,erm…2 days ago, when I finally finished my last paper, Basic
Statistic I thought of writing about my
sad feeling on de whole semester, on my exam.. I really can’t imagine how
poorly I have done for my pass few papers..Sad!!

 Then today, 22 November 2007, went Upperstar again, drank
alcohol again, get “drunk” again! In fact,wat’s de definition of “drunk”?
vomiting?feeling dizzy? Talking nonsense non-stop? Doing things unconsciously??

 They always say I m drunk!! But I think I often conscious
wo… I know wat I m doing! I know wat I m talking! I know wat ppl r doing! So,
I just wonder….people get drunk n unconscious easily meh? Or just using de
oppourtunity n taking de advantages??

 I used to anti-alcohol but now I get addicted? Some1 says
this to me, m i? Seriously umpteenth time 4 this sem I hav been 2 Upperstar,
regular patron, haha!Cock n Bull also I have tried..@tmosphere… By telling
this, my healthy image spoilt at all loh especially among my coursemates (
bakal cikgu o..), my hometown frens ( my “guai guai gal” image)…haha! dun care
lah! Hahaha…….

 Also some1 says I always drink a lot bcoz some1 is very good
at drinking? m i? no loh..i dun think so.. In fact, 4me, wine n beer is not
nice. It’s cooling when it slowly enters ur throat, ur
stomach get warm when it reaches. First mouthful,it is sweet, 2^nd ,
3^rd n more, slowly engross into. Then non-stop drinking until u get
drunk, until so-called “unconscious”…

 De next morning, head is heavy, sore throat, uncomfort etc
which I m experiencing now.!Then tat time u will start pondering about how
awful n disgusting is de alcohol!

 Drinking is just like…something.. love at first  glup it’s sweet when it is still cold..bitter
when de cold ease… drinking 2 much or pro-longing, it ends up suffering! So…to
settle it… 1 shoot??! De process might be nice so it makes memory lingers..

 Regarding my sadness, seriously sad at tat time I finished
my last paper. Feel like i m…i m disappointing people…feel like I m
useless…etc. thr is no big big headache 4me 2 bother abt but those small small
1 r killing n when they come in at impropriate time…

 Share it out, shout it out? I m indeed tat kind of ppl who
like 2 share n dun like 2 hide bcoz I find tat speaking out my thinking is a
kind of release. I would like to share but…also I m tat kind of ppl whose
passion grows up swiftly n decent unexpectedly quickly. When I m in de mood 2
tell, any1, anytime I can talk. But when de passion is gone, dun force me 2
tell! I m not emotional available! Maybe after some time, it will just go.

 N recently I feel tat not every little single things can be
told n shared..bcoz i do think this way but not every1! so..de consequence is
xXxxxx…., yYyyyy…..n sometimes,
something in mind to come out from mouth, it needs guts…!

 I think I gonna stop here loh..not feeling well….t@t@

说你爱我变成一种问候

不如趁早放手

把爱坠落让满地鲜红

说你爱我变成一种折磨

不用陪我走到最后

我承担不起你的承诺

你害怕的是什么

你想要的是什么

站在你背后

我连呼吸都痛

我要 相信你是爱我的

我要 相信你是勇敢的

我烦 时间是最残酷的

我怎么等

我要 相信你是爱我的

不要 当我每次唱情歌

眼里总有太多泪

不停拉扯

你会不会也想我

我苦苦在思索

找不到一丝一毫线索

我记忆迸出花火

开成了你的轮廓

照亮我一分一秒寂寞

只怕人海太辽阔

转眼就错过

有些话不能再拖

趁现在要对你说

Your Heart My Heart

闪烁 幸福会绕着你 围绕我

银河里我们不寂寞

Your Heart and My Heart

你爱我 就不要再退缩

My Heart 我的世界让你掌握

************************************************************************

才知道有些感受

我和他谁都不曾说出口

我们之间隐藏了什么

除了我自己没人懂

可是你，你怎么说

你知道后是不是从此避开我

哦，我一样难过

************************************************************************

我相信爱是真的 所以才会舍不得

在放手的那一刻

爱在分手那一刻

For those frens who have been waiting 4 my new blog, i m really sorry loh..i seriosuly wanted to write sth 2 vent my feeling out n sometimes inspiration comes in BUT i genuinely have no time to do so!! hence, u will only see my hypertension, devastated and contending caption on MSN but dun noe wat has happened!i dun even have time 2 chat v those who show concern on me..so sorry…

This sem is indeed a scariest sem among my 5 sem in U which I have non-stop tests, assignments, quiz etc from de beginning of de sem till now. This is our 14^th week n next week it starts our study week but I still have 3 assignments to be handed in latest by next week!unfortunately,this morning during our last lecture of Statistik Asas, de lecturer threw in another individual assignment!

        “Puan, I know u will have ur Raya celebration soon.when u r in Raya then v will be in torture loh..   wOoo…:~~    No lah, puan, I know ur intention of giving us extra n last minutes assignment,u r trying 2 help us”

So I have 2 work harder 4 this hatest n hardest paper! Long time never study Math, in fact I have phobia n trauma loh. As I used to be quite poor in math ma..scare!scare!

2mr morning I have another major test, Kaedah Math dalam Fizik.haiz…..

As de due date of assignments is drawing near..tests n quiz r lining up in ur schedule…when u have some other things 2 worry n ponder abt…it really made people in bad mood n tension especially 4 de past 2 weeks!

When u tried 2 concentrate in studying, u remember of ur unsettled assignments..while u made up ur mind 2 complete ur assignment as in ur plan, ur mind kept on reminding of ur tests n quiz..u spent ur time studied hard,once u got de question paper in hand ur mind went blank.. u ended up scoring poorly yet ur frens who “DID” smart during tests scored well!!  Really imbalance!!!!!!!! Confused~~~~

And till now only I understand myself better..

when I have an unsettled problem then I will keep on thinking n pondering on it.. n this solely trivial matter can be killing! In fact, sometimes I think I m adding headache 2 myself only n I should not think so much as it seems I m very bad n it is untrue! But “someone” ( hehe) echo my tat thinking wo..dun know lah!This issue might be endless n maybe cant be solved n no1 can help gua.. reveal it will only hurt people…so just keep it ( I try to ) until it explodes 1 day?!

Oh ya…de last whole week was our Uni election week.i involved ad a wakil calon again loh..4 de same person! Tat caused me busier n more tired also lah.de whole week not enough sleep. ( luckily de candidate won lah..so worth it lah..hahaha!)as u all know lah..i can tahan not eating,not drinking n not playing but definitely NOT not sleeping!when I dun get enough sleep, u will see my “true colour”.haha!!

ok la..got 2 stop here..actually, I still have more things 2 share about. Maybe in part 2 gua..going out now.keke…

Supposed i plan to start with my Pedogogy assignment today but i end up…end up..maligering around! i m here due to the high demand of my blogs among my frens.keke.

i just lost connected to the net for the past few weeks due to the broke down of internet at home n also i had been busy with my Tamu Gadang.

2 weeks b4 TG, i appeared to be hypertension,agitated n easily irritated.I apologize to any1 if i have provoked u unintentionally.TG week, it was indeed a tough week! when i only got to sleep few hours everyday, post-morterm everyday till wee hours, rushing 4 last minutes assignments 2 b passed up, sat 4 mid term test without studying at all!!! frens, i m bek to be a panda now n my face complextion is getting from bad to worse.. :~~

YES! now TG is over.everything is over!i have nothing more in hand, so light n so released! n i m running well on my plan "TO RETIRE" fully from all activities.i must make it n i think i already made it gua..as i already decline many ppl n many things.       erm…to clarify..

"  i m not as capable as what u think, as what u see from my appearance.in fact, i m not capable at all! " so let me go lah..i would rather choose to be an observer n listener in the future time.i m very keen to do so!

Everything is over, now it’s time for "repairing, recharging". Improve my health, catch up my studies which has been left far far behind for the past half sem!

Ganbatte to everyone, to those who r still engaged in activities, to those who r struggling in studies, to ME-MY as well! good luck!

两个多月的假期、两年的光阴，就这样都过了。。有时新的学期，第三年生了！听起来真得很老！不是senior，而是super senior了！昨天还听到一个新词，hyper senior! 唉！不远咯。。

无忧无虑的两个月就这样过了。直到回去的前两天，和Steph谈电话，猛然想起我手头上还有个TG的重任！不是忘记了，而是在这两个月内，特意地把它忘记！真的什么进展也没有耶。。那个ketua pengarah好像也有点火了。回去真的死定了！！

想起去年的我，也是身扛个重任回乡度假的。情形和现在差不多，那两个月里，我选择暂时性失忆，心里却一直担心与不安。上次的过程是成长、是收获、是痛苦，也是苦涩。老是告诉自己：不干了！别干了！这会真的累了。。很累！痛苦与压力地过着日子。不好受，不好受！                        停手了，停手了！不然真的要被很多人取笑了，也找不到理由再说服自己。。

昨天和几位以前form 6的朋友们喝茶。几个小时的时间就这样笑笑闹闹、开开心心地过了。谈到大学生活里的点点滴滴、消遣、花费方面，我竟然鸦雀无声，还是“此时无声胜有声”的好。秀美、慧敏、欣吟苦闷的大学生活，令我感到惭愧。。瑞卿一针见血的批评，令我无言以对。。。感觉和她们谈论如何省钱的课题，自己很像外星人。    怎么办？！每次回来见了他们，都提醒自己；看到爸妈退休后仍旧为事业拼搏、为家里挣钱，都提醒自己。。            可去到那里，碰见诱惑，便心软了，忘记了。。这次做工赚的千多块也七七八八了。唉！最惨的是都不知道花在哪里！

上个学期的成绩，简直惨不忍睹！竟然和我第一年第一个学期，完全无心读书的情况下考出来的成绩相去不远。不过自己也知道啦。这学期我也是嘴里喊着“要努力！”，但也没放多少心思在课业上。原因？玩太多了！活动太多了！太多事要去烦恼了！种种原因加在一起，便落得如此哇哈哈了。是自己的错！跟papa，mama报告成绩，竟然没有骂我，只说“可以毕业便好。”     他们的宽容 = 我的心虚。。。

好像每次都说差不多一样的话，可都没真正办到！三心两意这便是我！

Can someone please wake me up?!?

很久没有这么火大了！！

相信自己近几年来，脾气收敛了许多。 少再乱发脾气，不爱“随便”打抱不平，不再常替别人的委屈出头、烦恼。。

并常提醒自己：

凡事要站在各角度看待事情、在自己的立场想、也替别人想。。。

常告诉自己：

忍一时风平浪静，退一步海阔天空。

看别人不顺眼，是自己修养不够。

东西、事情不要道听途说，除非自己亲身体会、看见。

这些我自认都努力尝试办到了。。

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凡事都为你想、替你的恶行等找借口、把你当朋友。。。

可你把我当什么了？？！！！

这回真得不能忍了！！！